Mom: my inspired beauty.
By Crystal Yang, Founder of Perky.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer right before her 45th birthday. She is now a 13 year survivor. Breast cancer runs deep in my family and my loved ones are my daily reminder of why I do what I do. In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d love to share some tips I learned along the way and a little history behind the woman who has inspired me along my career path to help women survive, revive, and thrive after their breast cancer diagnosis.
As a 19 year old, I never knew breast cancer would impact me so much. When you see your mom go through this disease, it affects you. This was not the first time breast cancer had hit our family and wouldn’t be the last. Momo (my maternal grandmother) had survived breast cancer in her early 70’s. At that time I ignorantly thought breast cancer only affected older women; boy was I wrong!! Then as I got older and saw more family members go through breast cancer I learned more and more about this diagnosis.
I am thankful each day that breast cancer did not take any of my loved ones from me, because I know all too well that this is not the case for many. As a young adult I was at times unsure how to care for my mom going through cancer, but instincts kick in and we followed doctor recommendations. Later as a breast reconstruction nurse, I learned more ways to provide thoughtful recovery care. Here are a few of those tips on how to be a present caregiver and co-survivor.
My Caregiver tips:
Be present.
The simple act of being there can mean the world. It helps remind them that they are not alone in this diagnosis. Being there to help with showers, walking, meals…think of it as bonding time! When my mom couldn’t do much, I took her to the movies when it wasn’t busy and we had the theater to ourselves. We will always have those memories.
Be patient.
Recovery takes time and everyone heals at a different pace. Being patient and calm can help ease any anxieties they may have. Encourage them to listen to their own bodies and not to push it too soon.
Food!
What better way to show love than with a great meal. Ask what they are craving and try to provide a nutritious meal or snack. (I remember my mom randomly craving mashed potatoes during her hospital stay.) Tips for meals: healthy fats, protein, low sugar, and hydration!
Go to doctor appointments with them.
Two sets of ears is ALWAYS better than one. They may be overwhelmed and not in the right mental space to fully grasp all the information being thrown at them. Take a notepad to jot down notes to review later.
Co-survivors.
Co-survivors are people stepping up to the plate to care for a loved one going through a cancer diagnosis. It can be a huge weight to bare to try and be strong for the both of you. Be sure to take time to be honest with your feelings. Chatting through your thoughts can be therapeutic for the patient and caregiver.
The news.
She had a pain in her breast over one weekend. The doctor dismissed her concerns and blamed her underwire bra for the new onset of pain. Shame on that doctor. Luckily, my mom knew her body was trying to tell her something, and she went to seek a second opinion that coming week. That’s how it all started, then quickly followed by gynecology appointments, a mammogram, an ultrasound, biopsies and ultimately the news… “Mom has breast cancer.” We were all completely caught off guard and were not expecting this to be part of our lives. We cried, we prayed, and we prepared ourselves for what was to follow. My mom had started reading on breast cancer treatments and their side effects and looked into local specialists. So then we started to research together, from hair loss to breast reconstruction. If she needed chemotherapy, we would both shave our heads. We were in this together.
Treatment planning.
From her personal research to chatting with her new team of specialists, she knew right away that she wanted to undergo a double mastectomy to lower her risk of ever having to go through this again. She had a strong will to persevere through this chapter of life. Thankfully, she landed in the hands of a great team. I understand now that that is not always the case for someone going through breast cancer treatments.
She went on to have her mastectomies with DIEP flap breast reconstruction. Through looking into all breast reconstruction options, she really wanted to avoid using implants and opted to use her own tissue. Her results are awesome! We all helped her with her recovery, drain care, surgical garments and my abuela, a survivor herself, knew from personal experience what would help in my mother’s recovery and made her whatever homemade meals she craved. I am so thankful to have had both of these strong women in my life. Little did I know, that soon enough my mother’s experience with breast cancer would mold my future profession.
Survivors Run in the Family.
During her recovery, the Susan G. Komen “Race for the Cure 2010” 5K was happening and we all showed up with handmade t-shirts to honor her fight. I still have my shirt that says, “Survivors run in the family.”
My mom went on to have her first round of nipple tattoos at her surgeon’s office. She thought the idea of nipple tattoos was so cool. I was in nursing school at the time and I remember her consistently telling me, “I want you to help breast cancer survivors and give nipple tattoos. You will love it!” I truly believe my mother manifested my nursing career.
Courtney and I went on to found Perky. On my end, I was hugely inspired by my mom and other family members affected by breast cancer. Now my co-survivor duties are a little different. Courtney and I get to give women restorative tattoos and help them feel a little more complete after their diagnosis. And if you were wondering…yes, we gave mom’s nipple tattoos a Perky Refresh.
Happy Mother’s Day to all our Perky ladies!!
